Composure
by SmellyCat2004
Summary: Sometimes he thinks he made the right choice… but most of the time he regrets letting her go. That girl with the baby doll face, and the rebellious smile… his Meredith. Well, she wasn’t his anymore. MD oneshot


_Composure_

_Disclaimer: Shonda Rimes deserves a round of applause for creating such an amazing show._

_Summary: Sometimes he thinks he made the right choice… but most of the time he regrets letting her go. That girl with the baby doll face, and the rebellious smile… his Meredith. Well, she wasn't his anymore._

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_The fumes from the grill were intoxicating; engulfing his nostrils with the scent of peppered steak and charcoal burgers. He watched as the fire beneath burned, embers spitting out randomly. Oh, how he loved a good barbeque._

_His eyes tore away from the grill as he scanned the freshly cut backyard, its soft green grass shining underneath the golden June sun. The children were running through the sprinkler, their hair tangled with dirty water, while melodious laughter filled the humid air. A smile curled up at the edges of his mouth… he loved children. Too bad they weren't his._

"_Hurry up, George Foreman! We all want to talk to you," Preston shouted from his seat on the deck._

_Derek smirked, "Weren't you the one who requested your steak well-done?"_

_He watched as Preston smiled before returning to the chat he was having amongst Izzie, Addison, Alex, and his wife, Cristina._

_Derek let his mind wander, as he thought about the one guest he was still waiting for. She would arrive soon, he guessed, with her husband, George. Although he hadn't talked to her in years, he had heard from Cristina that they had been married about three years ago. He was invited to the wedding, along with everyone else, but he didn't go. He assumed it was obvious as to why._

_Trying to put the many thoughts of Meredith out of his mind, he carefully flipped each hot dog, steak, hamburger, and bratwurst until each was simmering on the opposite side. _

_A pair of hands slid over his shoulder blades, "Hey, how's it going over here?"_

_He turned around slowly, "Everything's fine, Addie. How's everyone been?"_

"_Oh, the usual… taking care of the family, work, and so forth," she smiled in reply. "You really should go over there and have a good conversation, like old times. I'm sure everyone wants to hear from you."_

"_But, I…" he protested._

"_I'll take care of this. Go on," she assured him._

"_But you don't even know what…"_

"_I'm doing? I'm sure I can handle this, it's just a grill."_

"_Fine," he sighed, as he made his way over to the group._

_When he reached the table, he was practically bombarded with a loud chorus of greetings, and a slap on the back from Preston. He pulled up a chair and began to catch up with his friends._

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_Derek smiled as he sipped his martini, soaking up all of the gossip and news that was emitting from the group. Periodically, he took a few bites out of his burger, which was piled high with onions, lettuce, and a piece of tomato. He hadn't talked much, though he didn't think anyone seemed to notice, or care for that matter. He didn't talk very much anymore. He didn't smile either. He had even lost his nickname "McDreamy", and it was easy to see why. Sure, his good looks may not have faltered, but his soul was broken into many fractured pieces, which had pierced his body and created multiple wounds. The pain and sadness that resulted was mirrored in his now quiet personality._

_As he listened to Izzie ramble on about the ideal man she had recently met, he sensed something. Even though it seemed impossible, it was almost as if he could pick up her scent in the air. It was so unique and "Meredith-like"._

_The calming sounds of the neighborhood children and the birds chirping were punctured by the screech of tires from the driveway, and the rumbling engine of a Jeep, most likely. _

_"Oh, that must be Meredith!" Cristina squealed in delight. "I hope she remembered to pick up George…" she continued as she hopped off the deck, crossed through the backyard, and exited through the gate._

_Although Derek tried to shut out the voice that soon popped into his atmosphere, it was hopeless. He heard Meredith greet her friend, and seconds later, a mane of dirty blonde hair began to peek out from the bushes._

_"Hey, everyone," Meredith smiled, waving at her friends who were residing on the deck. _

_Derek couldn't help but grin as he saw her appear in a pale blue tank top and a pair of tight-fitting denim capris. The air around her was slightly different now, though… it gave off the vibes of both a wife and a mother._

_Suddenly, another voice rang, "Thanks for leaving us, Mere!"_

_He watched as she whipped around, rushing back towards the car, "Sorry, sweetie. I'm coming!"_

_Cristina rejoined the group, George following behind her. His hair was a medium length now, and he had grown a little stubble._

_"You made it, Georgie!" Izzie cheered, scooting out from the table and squeezing him in a hug._

_"Yea, what took you so long, bud?" Alex smirked._

_George gave a cocky smile, "As a matter of fact, I was visiting my girlfriend at her parent's house. They invited me over for Sunday brunch."_

_"Nice," Alex said._

_Everyone got up from the table now, surrounding George and waiting for Meredith. Even Derek obliged, as Addison came to join him._

_Meredith reappeared, this time a small girl clinging to her side, and a tall, handsome man trailing behind them with a cooler._

_"Oh, this must be little Ellie!" Izzie said, immediately making her way towards the baby._

_"And you must be Evan, we've heard so much about you," Preston exclaimed, reaching out to shake his hand._

_For a few minutes, everyone engaged in conversation, including Derek, who every now and then commented on someone or something. He saw Meredith hand Ellie to Izzie, who was practically itching to get a chance to hold her, and then walk over to him._

_"So, how've you been?" she asked, surprising him._

_"Oh, the usual," he stated._

_She smiled, "That's good. It's been forever since I've seen you. Are things good with you and Addison?"_

_"Yea, she's been a little overworked lately, but other than that everything's great. We finally finished the house."_

_"Wow, I'm sure it's amazing. I'd love to see it sometime," she said._

_"How're things with you? I see you've been busy," he joked, glancing at Ellie._

_"Oh," she said, "Well, Evan was really excited about having a family so…"_

_As Izzie returned Ellie into Meredith's arms, Derek commented, "She's adorable._

_"Thanks," she glowed. _

_As he leaned down and gently ruffled her tousled hair, Derek felt his insides twisting, and he could have sworn that on that humid, June day, what little feeling he had left in his heart was lost. Slowly, he turned away from Ellie, and let a lonesome tear escape as he grieved for the woman he had lost, and the child that could have been his. _

_He proceeded to leave the party, walking furiously out of the backyard, and slamming the rustic gate behind him. Although he knew all eyes were on him, he continued, stepping onto the sidewalk and rushing past the quaint houses. Where was he going? He didn't know. All he could do was think about her… his Meredith. Well, she wasn't his anymore._

_Fin_


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